I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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