I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
