i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
