My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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