Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
