i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Randomize
