this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
