when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
