Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
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