here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
