Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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