woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
