Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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