I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Randomize
