And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
