There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
