I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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