i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Randomize
