Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
