And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
