Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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