Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
