Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
