i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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