Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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