i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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