Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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