I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
