I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I will be naked everywhere
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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