considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
