If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
