I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
