you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
