so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I think your dad took our porno
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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