i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
We got so high we made milksteak
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
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