I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My dick has a subreddit
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Randomize
