FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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