i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
