i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
