The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Actions speak louder than pants.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
false alarm, still single
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
