You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
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Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
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On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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