Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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