Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
