dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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