I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
