Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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