I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
