I should be sponsored by Trojan
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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