I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
