i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
