Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
