Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize