does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
