So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize