Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
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