He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
