I cut my penus on the lid.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
