I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Randomize
