Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
