if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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