your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
