I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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