Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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