he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
