I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
