Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
