so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Randomize
