Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
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