Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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