i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
