I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
