I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
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