they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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