I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
