she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
