If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.