We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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