mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
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who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
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I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry