Texts From Last Night

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  (909): View more from California

  dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.

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  (909): dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight. http://tfl.nu/pv9g
  Replies (42) Good night (3641) Bad night (595)
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  (310): View more from California

  She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"

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  (310): She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane" http://tfl.nu/g45q
  Replies (7) Good night (2177) Bad night (886)
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  (415): View more from California

  what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance

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  (415): what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance http://tfl.nu/c8s3
  Replies (34) Good night (1271) Bad night (4845)
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  (619): View more from California

  I'm passing your future prison.

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  (619): I'm passing your future prison. http://tfl.nu/j7g6
  Replies (15) Good night (4390) Bad night (1052)
• Favorite

  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.

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  (413): You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief. http://tfl.nu/eaos
  Replies (40) Good night (5104) Bad night (3370)
• Favorite

  (843): View more from South Carolina

  I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.

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  (843): I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out. http://tfl.nu/k8va
  Replies (21) Good night (927) Bad night (4668)
• Favorite

  (785): View more from Kansas

  That reminds me...we need to get swords

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  (785): That reminds me...we need to get swords http://tfl.nu/9ivg
  Replies (15) Good night (7237) Bad night (1065)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".

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  (920): You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby". http://tfl.nu/mh0h
  Replies (2) Good night (1157) Bad night (2118)
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  (310): View more from California

  I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers

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  (310): I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers http://tfl.nu/hjyr
  Replies (4) Good night (2393) Bad night (944)
• Favorite

  (407): View more from Florida

  Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston

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  (407): Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston http://tfl.nu/rb3u
  Replies (5) Good night (2100) Bad night (907)
• Favorite

  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"

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  (978): You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!" http://tfl.nu/193a
  Replies (3) Good night (1983) Bad night (966)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis

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  (214): Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis http://tfl.nu/ji20
  Replies (4) Good night (1553) Bad night (911)
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war

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  (989): My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war http://tfl.nu/yle2
  Replies (12) Good night (2691) Bad night (735)
• Favorite

  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.

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  (610): I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously. http://tfl.nu/j7oy
  Replies (7) Good night (723) Bad night (1644)
• Favorite

  (208): View more from Idaho

  He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.

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  (208): He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants. http://tfl.nu/pajk
  Replies (1) Good night (351) Bad night (481)

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