we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.