I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
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