Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
