My girlfriend figured out who you are.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
