Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
