is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
