no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
They are going to name an STD after you.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Randomize
