you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
My bed smells like the plague
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Randomize
